Ending an almost three year relationship was hard. Trying to move on was harder though.
I chose not to speak to Dawson after we broke up. I felt it was best to cut all contact, but that didn't mean he didn't try to reach out to me. He did, and it wasn't polite. The first time he reached out to me was a couple days after, and he was angry. He told me he wanted Buddie back. That he was his dog, and he wanted him back. Now, after two years of me taking care of him, paying for his food, giving him a good home, paying for his shots and all his vet visits, Dawson wanted to claim Buddie as his. I started to panic. I didn't want him to take my dog, so I immediately went to the court house and permanently got a license for Buddie under my name, and then also got his micro-chip information off of Dawson's ex wife and made sure that all was under my name as well. Buddie was the one thing I had out of our relationship that brought me true happiness, and I would fight to the death to make sure Dawson couldn't take that away from me.
I blocked Dawson's number for a few days because I knew he was angry, and I didn't want to see any potential messages he was going to send me.
After a few days, I unblocked him. He text me again, only this time in sadness and with apology. Dawson and I had gone a couple weeks without speaking or texting before we finally had a conversation. It was the end of September when we finally talked. He wanted to get back together, but I told him we couldn't be together. Not that I didn't want to be with him, but he had made no progress to do anything he promised me. He told me he wouldn't give up, and that he was going to fight until the end to be with me. He told me he had took his special points text and that he was to be getting his license back, and he was looking into getting a car. I couldn't believe that he FINALLY did it. So Dawson and I started spending time together again. We were not together, but our hearts were saved for one another until the time was right.
I had got a job offer with a new retail company to be a part of their management team, and the opportunity was too good to pass. This was huge for me, and I was happy Dawson was around to be a part of the excitement.
Dawson and I spent a couple weeks together, and things were going great. We weren't fighting, but he kept trying to push for us to be back together. I couldn't be with him. His license still didn't come, apparently he had to pay towards his restitution before he could get it. Dawson asked me to go to dinner with him a few days in advance, and of course I said yes. I was excited. We were basically starting over, but this time in the right way. Dawson ended up cancelling our date the morning of because he didn't have the money to take me out because he said he paid his restitution to get his license. I was really upset that he let me down. I wasn't about to forgive him this time either. I felt like it was just another excuse to add to the huge pile he already had from the years we were together.
Once that date was cancelled, Dawson started to act distant. It was like he didn't care about getting back together anymore. He barely called me or tried to make another date. I loved being with him again, so I tried to put the effort in. I thought maybe he was getting discouraged and just needed a push. I asked him to go shopping with me to get new clothes for my new job.
We were walking through the mall, when I heard a guy behind me yelling, "Hey what's up man?" Dawson and I turned around and it was a guy and his girlfriend. He was yelling to Dawson, and before you know it they were in each others faces. I heard the guy say to Dawson, "Why the fuck are you throwing my name around to Nick? He wont sell to me now" I started to panic, I felt like I was going to throw up. I walked away and found the closest staircase and sat down. I put my hands on my head and I just tried to catch my breath. Everything clicked.
A month before I had picked up a job waitressing at a local bar. One of the girls waitressing with me had previously worked with Dawson. I asked her if she knew him, and he response was, "Oh yeah, he used to do dope with Frank." When she said that I got pale white. I asked her if she was talking about heroin and she said yes. I was sick to my stomach. I knew Dawson was messing with pills ever since we moved out of our apartment, but I was certain he had not touched heroin. I at least thought that, I believed that much from Dawson. I asked her more about it. She told me he would do it with Frank every day, and that they would borrow money off each other and constantly fight about it. She said she watched Frank shoot it up Dawson's arm for him. I wanted to pass out. Everything she was saying was so crazy to me. How could he do that again? I almost didn't want to believe her, so I asked more questions. She told me the dealer they got it off of, his name was Nick and he lived in Youngwood. I text Dawson and told him we needed to talk. When I got off work I drove out to his work and told him everything she had told me and then I asked him if it was true. He said absolutely not and that she was the one shooting dope with Frank. Dawson pulled the one bartender aside and said so and so told Jenna I was shooting dope with Frank, and she laughed and said you mean she was the one shooting dope with him? Dawson then thanked her for verifying that. So I believe him. I figured maybe she thought Dawson had told me things about her and she was trying to cover up and turn it around on him. I let it go after that.
So when I say everything clicked, I mean it. Frank just confronted Dawson in the middle of the mall directly in front of my face. I heard the words come out of his mouth about drugs, and dealing. That was the moment I became scared of the man I was in love with. He walked over to the staircase and tried to talk to me but I was in a total panic I could barely move. He walked away from me. He just left me there on the staircase shaking. I knew from that moment Dawson had been lying to me about every single thing that had ever happened. All the times he told me he was hanging out with Frank, or working late, or why he didn't have money. It all pieced together.
Being the girl that I am, I tried to make it work with him after that for about a month until it became so evident he didn't really have a care in the world for me. December came, and Dawson and I weren't even seeing each other anymore. We talked, but that was it. He still told me he wanted to be with me and that he wouldn't give up. Christmas came and we told each other we missed each other and that we loved each other, but that was it.
Time crept by, and January 11th came. I went to the bar for the first time since Dawson and I ended our relationship, and I had a little too much to drink. When I got in my car I instantly started crying. I missed him so much and I just wanted to see him. I made the mistake of calling him. His phone was off, and that's when I realized he moved on. Dawson only ever shut his phone off if he was doing something he shouldn't have been. I called his roommate, Andre, and asked him if I could talk to Dawson. He told me he wasn't home and that he has barely seen him in weeks. I just lost it, I knew he was with another girl. When I got home, I went into my room and fell to my knees. I wanted to kill myself. This was the first time I had a suicidal thought in close to eight months. I text my friend Corey for help and he talked me through it.
After that night, I decided I needed to let go. Dawson had contacted me the next night saying, "Oh my god baby I'm sorry I was at a party drinking and my phone died I swear I wasn't with another girl" I told him to save his bullshit for someone else. I knew what he was doing.
A week later he told me he had moved in with another girl. Not because he loved her or wanted her, but because he had no where else to go. I told him to go fuck himself and that he disgusted me among many other things.
Dawson was on to the next girl. To use up, manipulate, and break just as he did me. And honestly, I don't feel even an ounce of pity for the girl. She knew about me, and us. They worked together so she was well aware of who I was. Whether we were officially together or not, we were us. I guess I could thank her, because without him moving on with her, who knows what downhill spiral I would be in right now.
It's March 20th, 2016 and I haven't spoke to Dawson since January 21st and I do not plan on ever talking to him again.
I would never in a million years take back the three years I spent with him. I learned to be smart, kind, selfless, and understanding. I have become a much stronger person because of him. I loved him, more than I have loved anyone in my life. I always will look back and remember that first smile we gave each other, the first kiss, the first hand hold. I will hold onto those memories with my life. Everything else, I will forgive, but never will I forget.
I can now look forward to my future, and nothing will ever take away my happiness again.
I know what I deserve, and I won't settle for anything less again.
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