Walking up our stairs I was nervous yet anxious.
Dawson was sitting on the floor in the living room. He was covered in sweat and a little shaky. I asked him how he was feeling and he was honest with me. He barely slept, and he was in and out of the bathroom. It had been two days since he last used.
I didn't like seeing him this way but I knew this was just the beginning and it was going to get worse. Dawson seemed strong though, almost as if he wasn't scared as to what was coming next. He wanted to get clean and he wanted treatment.
I sat by his side and we just talked. I tried to distract his mind as much as I could. Staying with him all day just wasn't an option for me, I had to go to work but I told him I would stop by on my way home.
That evening after work I went over and he looked even worse.
He would be shivering and bundle up with a blanket and then all of a sudden be covered in sweat. He constantly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. It was a constant cycle of being cold, sweating, and using the bathroom. I cringed at this. It was horrifying to watch. I had never seen a person be so sick in my life. It broke my heart to witness it, but I had to stay strong for him.
I would hold his hand or rub his back, whatever he needed me to do. I was going to be as supportive as I could be at that time.I made sure I went over each day, several times a day, even if it were just for a few minutes.
Withdraw is a dreadful thing to witness, let alone go through. I couldn't imagine how it felt to be in Dawson's shoes. Just seeing it gave me nightmares. There were moments that I thought he was going to die. I didn't even see every step of it because I wasn't with him at each moment, but the moments I saw can never be forgotten. The look on his face, the amount of tears he cried, that can never be forgotten.
Dawson was physically ill for 6 long days. He was still going to go through withdraw symptoms for weeks to come but the worst was over with. I wish I could have been there every minute with him, and I still regret that I wasn't.
I understand he put himself in the position to go through it. I get that, but still to this day people ask me why I even feel bad about it. I sympathize for others, I have a huge heart. Good people do bad things. Sometimes those "bad things" take over their whole lives. That doesn't mean that Dawson didn't deserve just one person to love him and support him. He was my entire world, and my love was unconditional.
That week was exhausting. There are not enough words to describe the different emotions I went through. I knew Dawson still had a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he was trying. I was trying to.
I had a lot of challenges I was about to face. I had to figure out what I was going to tell my landlords. We didn't have rent and I needed out of the lease. I still had to face Jay at work. I needed to find a way to tell me dad I was seeing Dawson again.
