When I went into my room that night to talk to Dawson, things just got more emotional than they already were.
He blamed me for everything. I was so manipulated by him that I believed him. We went back and forth for about a half an hour about all the problems we had. He told me that it was getting to the point where he didn't want to be with me anymore. Of course, I begged him not to leave me. I promised him that I wouldn't bother him about paying me back anymore and that he could go and do whatever he wanted and I wouldn't question him anymore. I took the blame for every little problem and made him feel he had nothing to be ashamed of. He asked me to come see him and by this point it was after 11pm. I knew I had to go see him or else we might not make it.
I went upstairs, and grabbed my keys from the kitchen and when I turned my dad was standing beside me. He gave me a serious look and asked me where I was going. I told him just out, and he told me I better not be going to see Dawson. I just looked at him, and he told me he heard all of my conversation. I immediately got defensive and asked him why he was listening to my conversation. He told me he could hear me through the vents. He then proceeded to tell me how pathetic I sounded. As my eyes filled with tears, I just stared blankly at my dad. He said to me, "How much money does that piece of shit owe you?" I looked at him, and then put my head to the floor and said, "$2000.00" He instantly just yelled at me. He told me that I work so damn hard for my money and I was just handing it out to someone who doesn't do a single thing for me. He looked at me with so much sadness and hurt and just asked me why I was doing this to myself. I started crying and answered with the reasoning that I loved him. I told my dad I didn't want to do it anymore but I couldn't walk away. Dawson was all I knew, and I knew how to love him selflessly. I didn't know how to live my life without him in it. My dad looked me in the eyes and told me he wouldn't stand by and watch his daughter throw her life away. I cried and told him that I wasn't doing anything with my life so what was the difference. I said that I was still living at home because I couldn't afford to leave and I knew he was annoyed with me being 25 and still living in his house. My dad argued with that. He said I worked a full time job, helped him out with my brother, and that he was not annoyed with me being there. He told me I could stay as long as I needed to. He hugged me and told me he would help me with anything I needed.
That conversation changed my life. Instead of going to Dawson's, I turned around and walked back down to my room.
I told Dawson I was not coming over, and that I was going to bed.
I went to bed that night with a heavy heart. My dad was right, and I was so tired of being hurt, and hurting my family. I knew Dawson and I couldn't be together anymore.
The next day, I woke up and for the first time in almost 3 years, I did not text or call Dawson. He text me around noon and apologized for the night before and told me he loved me. I didn't text him back, I just didn't know what to say. About an hour or two after that he text me again. I text him back telling him I was lost for words and just didn't know what to say. I said that I needed to think about how I felt. He text me back telling me he understood and that he loved me very much.
It wasn't until about 8 at night when I finally decided I needed to end it. Now, obviously I know texting him to break up with him was a shitty way to do it, but Dawson was so good at manipulating me that if I would have called or done it in person, I would have changed my mind and stayed with him. So I sent him a text. I don't know what my exact words were, but I just explained to him that even though I loved him with every ounce of me, it just was not enough. I was not happy, and I was tired of being let down. Nothing was changing and I couldn't continue to live a life like we were.
When he text me back, he just said that he didn't agree with my decision but he had to respect it.
I just sat there with my phone in my hand and stared at the wall. I just sat there for a few hours and stared. I didn't call anyone, and I didn't even cry. I just sat there in silence by myself.
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