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I should explain a little bit about Dawson's situation and history before I get into Valentines Day.
Dawson obviously started over when he quit his job that we worked together. He was paying child support from the income he had over a year ago. At this point he was not making nearly what he had used to so his child support was 70% of his paycheck. He had enough money to pay rent a month and maybe $100 to spare. It wasn't much after groceries and a phone bill. So it was almost next to impossible for him to take me out and buy me things, let alone him to save money. He didn't file for a decrease in payment of child support right away because he wanted to do what he could for his kids.
He really loved his kids and he missed them so much. He felt like after his relapse and being away from them for so long it was best for him not to be in and out of their lives. He knew he didn't have a place for them to stay and couldn't really do much for them on the money he was living off of. He did what he thought was best at the time.
He really didn't talk much about the kids to me because I know it was breaking his heart. It was easier for him to avoid it than to deal with it, like he did with many issues.
It got to the point where Dawson could barely take care of the things he needed to with the money he had so he filed for a decrease in child support and got it. It wasn't a large decrease but it was enough that he could take better care of himself.
With Dawson paying so much in child support, he was seeing next to no money. He needed health insurance because of how badly his kidney issues were getting. He was constantly in the hospital with either a kidney stone stuck or an infection. The doctors barely treated him without insurance and he couldn't afford the antibiotics. I tried to help him pay for what I could but we needed him to get insurance. He filed many times and got denied through welfare because he made too much money.
On paper it said he made too much, but after child support he couldn't pay for insurance on top of his rent and groceries. Welfare doesn't take child support into consideration. So he was stuck, but he kept trying. He spoke with many people that work at the hospital and they even helped him with paperwork. Dawson eventually got approved for insurance but it was $35 a month. As much as he didn't want to pay for it, he did because his health was at risk.
Being in pain constantly was a big factor in why he had a difficult time staying clean. He did his best and fought against as much pain as he could. I do believe he tried to fight off his cravings in the beginning. It seemed like he truly cared about his sobriety.
Dawson was an amazing person. He did as much as he could for me. He was a gentlemen and he would hand me the shirt off his back if I were cold. He always opened the door for me anytime we went anywhere. He made me playlists of songs that made him think of me. He always knew how to make me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I loved him so very much.
Its important to know who Dawson was. He was a kind, caring, loving, devoted, understanding, respectful, positive person. He loved his children with his whole heart and wanted them to only ever be taken care of in the best way possible. He loved me without a doubt.
So when I write about things that he has done that hurt me, that isn't to make him into a bad guy. Like I said before, good people do bad things.
It doesn't define them.... and Dawson was a great man.
