I heard his voice, and for the first time ever I didn't recognize it.
Dawson sounded awful. He was like a completely different person. He immediately started yelling at me. He said he was coming home and there was no reason for me to have left him. He was also angry I took his dog. I asked him where he was and he wouldn't tell me. He yelled at me to bring his dog back. I said not until I know your back in town because I refused to just drop off Buddie at the apartment with nobody there to take care of him.
Dawson was getting more angry with me and said that he would come and find me and take back what was his. He was also threatening my family until he got what he wanted.
I just cried and asked him why he was doing this. He yelled at me and said it was because I was accusing him of being on drugs when he wasn't and I just ruined his life. I just kept repeating I know you are doing heroin again, just admit it so I can help you. He laughed at me and hung up.
I just paced back and forth in my room. I was so sick, I ran to the bathroom.
How did I end up here? When did my life take this turn?
I just had tears streaming down my face. My dad had left for a little while so I called him in panic. I told him that Dawson had just called and threatened me. My dad assured me that he wasn't coming anywhere near our house. That he was just trying to manipulate me.
It was late at this point and I was exhausted. I hadn't ate anything all day and I was in so much heartache that I was shaking and breathing heavy. I was insanely stressed out and somehow I fell asleep.
I woke up periodically through the night and consistently checked my phone just hoping the man that I once knew would call or text and apologize. I just wanted him to admit everything to me. He never did though.
The next morning I woke up very early. I had realized with everything that had happened the day before I completely forgot I had a job interview at Finish Line in the mall.
How was I supposed to pull myself together and go to this interview. There was absolutely no way I could do this. I knew I had to go, I needed a second job. I couldn't survive off of the money I was making.
I got dressed, put some makeup on and practiced a smile. I could see the pain written all over my face, but maybe someone that doesn't know me wouldn't notice.
When I got there, the store manager took me out to a bench in the mall and sat me down. His name was Tim, and he was very nice and made me feel comfortable. He was very personable and I didn't want to mess this interview up because he seemed like a great person to work for. I could tell I wasn't doing a good job, I felt distracted with Dawson in the back of my mind. I apologized to Tim at the end and told him I was normally a lot more peppy and that I was just having a bad day. He told me I seemed peppy enough and then asked me what was going on. I couldn't answer that question and lie so I just said oh nothing just some stuff. He asked me again as we walked back towards the store and for whatever reason I just told him exactly what it was. I told him I had moved back into my house yesterday because I found out my boyfriend was on heroin. He just looked at me and said oh my. He shook my hand and wished me luck and said he would be in touch.
Now anyone knows not to say things like this in an interview but I didn't have my mind right this day and I knew I had just lost that potential job.
I slowly walked to my car, it was almost like I could see myself walking. I felt like I wasn't in my body. Why did I say that? Couldn't I just make it through 15 minutes of acting normal?
I went home and crawled into bed and cried some more. That's all I could do. I still couldn't eat a thing. I was going on two days of not eating. I held Buddie and I remember saying to him..."At least I got you out of all of this"
I felt like he knew what was happening because he stared at me with these eyes that just made me think he understands. I missed Dawson so much, the way he used to be.
Dawson sent me random messages and each time the location was different. None of the messages told me any valuable information. Dawson wanted his keys back from me. I had his old house keys and his apartment key because he left them in my car. I didn't want to give them back because I knew once I did there would be no reason for him to talk to me anymore.
Drugs change people. They turn people into someone they're not. They destroy lives. My life was destroyed and I wasn't even the one taking drugs. I was in love with a heroin addict and there was nothing I could do about it.
I found out something that made me even more sick and I was about to go off the deep end.
