Driving him to work that morning seemed as normal as any day. I couldn't have known what was about to happen.
Dawson had kidney issues for a long time before he met me. He had always developed kidney stones from calcium buildup. For a month before this day we had several doctor visits and hospital visits because of his pain. He had a prescription for oxycodone before that I wasn't happy about. I didn't think an addict should be taking any narcotics no matter how excruciating the pain. Dawson assured me he wouldn't become addicted again. He said that the pills weren't strong enough to even make him crave more. I believed him so he took them. He had been out of his prescription long before this day, June 16th, arrived.
Every day we spent in our apartment Dawson just slept. He didn't want to eat much or even spend much time together. He was moody a lot and I never knew what to expect. I spent a lot more time with Buddie than I did with him.
Dawson had to work at 9am and I was off that day. We were driving to work and he was complaining of kidney pain. I told him to just try and power through it and that we had a doctors visit coming up. We got into our work parking lot and Dawson asked me for $60 so he could get a pain pill. I just looked at him and said you are absolutely not buying pills off the street and in what world is a pain pill $60. He tried to tell me that's how much they cost but I was well aware of how much pills really did cost. He begged me and I said no and did my best to talk him out of the idea.
I went home and got on my phone and made sure I told my sister Happy Birthday and my father Happy Fathers Day. Dawson then sent me a message asking me yet again for the money. He knew I barely had any money left after lending Jay money and he also knew how upset I was with him for even asking. He said he was going to get it one way or another. He was starting to sound crazy. I told him if he even took a step into the direction of getting pain killers I would leave him and that I wasn't joking. I also told him I knew he was using again and that pills don't cost $60 and it was obvious he was trying to score some heroin. He argued a little back and I just kept trying to get him to admit it to me.
He text me back and he said and I quote..."Fuck you I just want to feel normal again"
I absolutely lost it at this point. I couldn't believe he just said that to me. What was that even supposed to mean?
I told him I was going to leave. I told him I said that from day one. He told me he was going to walk out of work so he could go get his pills.
I knew as soon as he said that he was truly about to quit his job, and once he walked out of that building I would have no way of communication with him. I could only talk to him through WIFI because he didn't have an actual phone. We only ever talked through Facebook messenger.
I felt my stomach in my throat. I was breathing heavy and couldn't think straight. My world was crashing down on me and I didn't know what to do. I text my sister and told her what was happening and she called my father. My father called me and asked what was going on and I just cried and said I think Dawson is on drugs again and he asked me if I wanted to come home and without hesitation I said yes. He told me to hold tight and he would be there as soon as possible.
I then called the owner of our work and told her what Dawson said because I knew she was about to have no cook at the restaurant. She told me to breathe and that she would send her son Alec over to help me move out. Alec was like a brother to me. I had known him for years and we grew so close.
There was a knock on my door and I opened it up and Alec was standing there. I collapsed into his arms. I couldn't stop crying. The pain in my heart was beyond repair. He just held me and let me cry.
Alec's mom had also called a close friend Andre to come help me as well. He showed up next, and then followed my dad. When my dad arrived, I just looked at him with my eyes bloodshot and watery. He looked back at me with this look on his face of anger and sadness. He was sad for me but so angry at Dawson. I knew he wanted to kill him for hurting me. We had packed up all my stuff and had it in all three cars along with my dads truck in the matter of 15 minutes.
I looked at my dad and asked him if I could bring Buddie home with me. I told him I didn't know if Dawson would ever come back and I couldn't just leave our dog their that I was starting to love very much. My dad let me bring him home with the intention of figuring out where Buddie was going to go next. It wasn't supposed to be a permanent thing and I knew that.
We got all my stuff moved back into my old room at home. I had left all the food, two plates, silverware, a pillow, blanket, and all of Dawson's clothing for him in case he did come back.
Alec and Andre went home. I sat on my bed in shock that just 2 weeks ago I was moving into my apartment excited to begin my future with Dawson and its now completely shattered. I had never felt pain like this in my life. I just cried and cried, my dad was next to me every moment of that day. It was Fathers Day and this is how my dad got to spend it. I hated myself for it.
I was sick. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I didn't know where Dawson was. I didn't know if he alive. I was heartbroken.
Heartache is real, its not something we make up because we are sad. Its real pain. My heart felt like it was going to explode. There were knots all through my stomach. I felt like I had no reason to be alive at this point. The pain that I was in was agonizing, and with every minute I didn't hear from Dawson it got worse. I looked at Buddie and I promised him no matter what happened next I would take care of him.
Hours went by and still I heard nothing from Dawson. I had left him several messages letting him know I moved out and that I took the dog with me. I knew he wasn't reading them but I couldn't stop texting him.
