September 1st came and Dawson still didn't have a job.
Rent was due again for him and he didn't have the money. I paid his rent again along with his phone bill just as I did the month before. He now owed me $600 in rent and $70 for his phone. I was buying him groceries but I told him he didn't have to pay me back for that.
I had reached my goal of saving $5000 dollars that summer and I was so proud of myself, but I felt like Dawson was only holding me back from making any more progress.
I was stressed out, I had my own bills to worry about and now I had to take care of Dawson's too. An entire month went by and he still didn't have a job or even an interview. I felt like he wasn't looking hard enough.
He told me a restaurant in New Stanton called him back for an interview so I took him. He ended up not getting the job due to his felony. We were back to the beginning and the search continued. He applied at UPS and had an orientation and then they never called him back and we assumed it was because of his background check.
My sisters wedding was that coming weekend. He didn't come to the wedding with me because I felt it was best. With my dad not wanting him in my life I wasn't going to cause any issues at my sisters wedding.
After my sisters wedding and I got back into town the stress was back on. Dawson said he was going to pick up some work with his brothers to bring in some cash. Dawson's child support wasn't being paid while he was out of work too, and that really worried me. Dawson said he wasn't that much behind and that they wouldn't come after him for one month.
All of September went by and Dawson occasionally worked for his brother laying carpet and labor jobs such as that. But he didn't have any money come the end of the month because he said his brother hadn't paid him yet. I once again paid his rent. He now owed me $900.
October 1st came and I had to work that morning at the golf course. My co-worker Sidney came into work an hour after me and started telling me this crazy story about this police chase and shooting right down the street from her house. She told me some kid was chased by the police and there was a shootout from what she was told. She said she didn't even know it was happening at the time but she found out after. She also said she had no idea who it was. We talked about how insane something like that is to happen around where we live and we went on to work.
Not to long after my boss and her assistant came out to the bar to talk to me and Sidney and they asked if we heard about it because they knew it was right by Sidney's house. We started talking about it and I said I wonder if they released who it was that was in the chase yet and whether or not he died. My boss had her phone out and was reading the article and she said that he did die and then she said the kids name. I instantly got pale white and felt like I was going to throw up. I said "WHAT?" and she repeated the name and I started to freak out. It was my friend from Finish Line.
I ran outside and called my friend Mac from work. He answered and all I said was please tell me Ryan isn't dead. Please tell me this is someone with the same name. He just sighed and said "Jenna I'm so sorry its him" I just broke down. I couldn't breathe, my heart just shattered in a million pieces. My boss walked outside and just hugged me. She told me to take my time and when I was ready to go back inside.
I called Dawson, I needed to talk to him. I just needed someone. Dawson acted like it was nothing, he just told me he was sorry and he didn't know what else to say. I just hung up on him because he had no sympathy at all and it pissed me off.
I went back to work and I finished my shift. I was like a zombie that day. I just walked around with no expression on my face. I was in disbelief.
I needed to know exactly what happened and the whole story, because the rumors being said about what happened couldn't have been true.
I went straight to Finish Line after work to see all my friends. I knew we all needed each other now more than ever.
-----Ryan was one of the sweetest guys I had ever had the honor of knowing. He made me laugh and smile every day we worked together. He was kind and loving. He cared about me and I hope he knows how much I cared about him. What happened to Ryan and the story of how he died is something I won't talk about in this blog. He's now my angel and an important memory I cherish every day I wake.-----
October had just begun and I knew that this was going to be a horrible month. Trying to deal with Ryan's passing along with Dawson being jobless was going to break me. I could only be strong for so long until I physically and mentally couldn't handle much more.
Not one single person knew I was at a breaking point. I should have told someone now that I look back on it.
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