I remember standing there for a few minutes shaking. I was just sad, very sad.
I looked him in the eye with tears rolling down my face and I turned my back and walked out. I got in my car and I left. I got about ten minutes down the road when he text me and said something along the lines of being sorry he yelled at me.
I pulled over and that was the moment I gave up on myself. I now know that.
I turned around and I went back to his house. I went in and apologized to him. I had no right to ask him something like that. Just based on assumptions. I was in the wrong. At least that's what I kept saying. He told me it was okay and hugged me. The rest of that day I was uneasy and I had doubts, but I needed to stop living in fear and doubt. Ever since Jay came into our lives, I doubted Dawson.
The next couple weeks weren't the same. Dawson was always taking several long bathroom breaks at work and when he would come back into the kitchen he seemed different. Almost like he wasn't fully there. I thought he was on drugs again, but I just kept living in denial. I would pick him up from work on the days I didn't work and on the car ride home I would be talking to him, and his head would start falling down. He was nodding off, I knew it had to be drugs. He just told me he was tired so I made myself believe it. Dawson loved me. He wouldn't lie to me.
We were still looking for apartments. Dawson said he wanted to quit his job because he was unhappy and thought Jay was trying to "take his job". He said his best friend Rosco wanted him to come work for him again and help run his pizza shop. I was completely supportive of that because I wanted Dawson as far away from Jay as I could get him. I knew deep down something shady was going on but I wouldn't admit it. We found a place in Greensburg that was perfect for us and Buddie. I wasn't attached to his dog at all but I wasn't going to move somewhere we couldn't take Buddie. We told Rosco we found a place but they wanted a huge deposit that we just didn't have. He offered to lend it to us but Dawson had to pay it all back with interest. Dawson agreed to it and before we knew it we had our place. This was so exciting for me cause this was the first time my name was on a lease and with the man I loved. We moved in June 1st, 2013. Dawson still had to put his notice in at work, but he was waiting to make sure everything was lined up with his new job. In the meantime we had a bit of a drive to work. We also only had one way of transportation and that was my car.
We had nothing moved in but dishes and a bed and a TV. We would eventually get the couches moved in from the old place, but in the meantime we sat on the floor and ate our dinners off of moving boxes. We had each other and that's all that mattered. We were starting our future.
We got paid that week and Dawson gave me half of the rent. We needed half each pay since we only got paid twice a month. Dawson was going to pay the rent and I would pay the electric and groceries. I also didn't have to pay as much since I was the only one of us paying a car payment and driving everywhere.
He handed me close to $300 cash and I stuck it in my top drawer until I could go to the bank. A few days later I went to get the money out and it was missing. I started to panic. I tore my dresser apart. I searched everywhere. Dawson was at work so I called him and I was crying and asked him if he took the money and he promised me he didn't touch it. He calmed me down and told me that I probably misplaced it or something and that we would find it when he got home. When he got home that day we looked together and it was gone. There was only two people in our apartment other than us. My dad and our friend who let our dog out while we both doubled at work one day. Dawson basically convinced me our friend had to of taken it. So I asked my friend if he came across it and he said no. I felt in my heart Dawson had taken it but I was more willing to blame someone else. I was crying because we wouldn't be able to pay our rent. Dawson looked me in the eyes and said he would have enough in his next pay to cover it all and everything would be okay. So I trusted in him.
Dawson was still associating with Jay even though he talked badly about him. I didn't understand it at all. Jay had a truck so Dawson told me he was going to help him pick up the couches and drive him home one night. A few hours went by and Dawson still wasn't back. He finally showed up with no furniture. He told me he was locked out of the old house and didn't have his keys on him.
We were sitting in bed talking and he told me how Jay started crying to him on the way home explaining how he wants to go get treatment because he started taking drugs again but the place wont accept him without a deposit of $150 and he didn't have any money. I looked at Dawson and said I wanted to help him. I only had $200 to my name but I was willing to help save his life. I called Jay and I told him that Dawson had explained his situation to me and that I wanted to lend him the money. He was so thankful and promised to pay me back when we got paid. I made it very clear how important it was that he paid me back as soon as pay day came. He promised me. It was only five days away.
June 16th came. It was Fathers Day as well as my sisters birthday. Also, it marked two weeks of us living together in our apartment.
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