I wasn't ready to be a mother at 22. Especially to children that weren't my own.
Dawson finally came to a court ordered agreement to see his children Tuesdays and Thursdays for half the day. His daughter was two and his son was three. I decided to meet them one day. I was scared because I wasn't big on kids to begin with. I loved him and saw a life with him so I needed to deal with what I handed myself.
The kids were great, and he was great with them. I gradually came over a little more each time and the kids loved me. Diapers and baby drool wasn't really my thing so I was a little bit stand-offish with them. I got scared and felt very overwhelmed so I told Dawson I wasn't going to come over and stay there the whole time he had his kids. He understood that it was a lot for me to handle let alone a huge change. Not to mention his ex constantly harassed us every time we had the kids. She would call non stop and randomly show up and yell through the windows because we wouldn't answer the phone. Dawson had a right to be alone with his kids. He was a great father and she was just plain crazy and angry with us both. We didn't want the kids around the fighting so we tried our best to avoid her.
Dawson's son would always ask to call his father when he was with his mother so she would call us and let him talk to Dawson for a little bit and then she would take the phone off of him and we would hear her tell him awful things like "Daddy doesn't love you" She would use the kids against us and it made us sick.
For a couple weeks Dawson couldn't take the kids because of his work schedule. A couple weeks turned into a couple more. Before you knew it a month had gone by that he didn't see his kids. It was April at this point.
Around this time a new guy was hired at work, and his name was Jay. I just remember Dawson being on edge and very nervous. He pulled me to the back and said that the new guy told him he was a "recovering" heroin addict. Dawson didn't want him to work there because he didn't want to relapse himself. He figured being around someone with the same issue would possibly destroy his sobriety. He asked me not to say anything because he would eventually have to deal with this situation. Dawson was a little over a year clean so the last thing I wanted was for him to be at risk. So I went against his wish. I told the owners what Dawson had told me. They pulled him into the office and they discussed it with him. I guess the decided to keep Jay with Dawson's blessing.
I was not happy with this decision. Only because I wanted to keep him safe. He was clean and we were happy and I didn't want anything to destroy that.
Over some time I got to know Jay and he was a very nice guy who occasionally drank a little too much, but didn't we all? I was okay with him working with us and we all got along very well.
Dawson and I started thinking about getting a place together. We were together all the time so we may as well of been living together. So the search began.
Everything was perfect. There wasn't one thing I could complain about. Until one day I started to notice Dawson's attitude was changing.
Jay always called Dawson at home and I didn't know why. I would ask but Dawson just told me he was asking questions about work. I guess in the back of my mind I was starting to question if he was being honest with me, but I never actually questioned him. I didn't want my fears to ruin something great.
One day I was at work and Dawson was at home. We were texting and he said Jay was coming over. I instantly got scared and started asking a thousand questions. I just felt in my heart that something was wrong. I knew nothing about drugs, or signs that someone was on drugs. Hell, I didn't even know what heroin looked like. I just remember watching the clock waiting for my shift to end so I could get to his house. Once 4pm hit I ran. I flew down the road to his house faster than I ever have.
I don't know why I did this. The feeling I had in my stomach and heart was something I couldn't explain. I got out of my car and looked all through the yard..I don't know what I was looking for but I was just looking for something out of the ordinary. I walked into the house and Dawson was on the floor playing Xbox and I just said hello and he answered but didn't look at me. The sound of his voice was different. He slurred his words.
I instantly snapped and yelled "ARE YOU HIGH?!"
Dawson snapped and his response was "NO. GET THE FUCK OUT "
I can remember the exact words. The exact sound of his voice, I had never heard him speak like that to me in the time we had been together. He never swore at me once until this moment.
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