11. Let Me Explain

Before I tell you any more of my story...let me backup and explain a few things first.

Everybody lies, and if they say they don't...they are lying.
I'm not perfect by any means but one thing I hate is lying. Yeah, I tell a few white lies here and there like I only had one cookie but secretly I had five. I don't lie about anything that would hurt a person. Besides, I'm the worlds worst liar. My family and closest friends can see right through me if I try and lie. So lying to my dad was not something I ever wanted to do.

Kyla is my longest friend. We met when we were 7 years old. We were neighbors and complete soul mates. We spent a couple years apart when she moved away but in high school we met back up and it was like we were never apart. She is an incredible person and was my support system throughout things that my family was not aware of. Anything I needed she was there. Sometimes I had to stop her from breaking a few jaws, but I couldn't be more lucky to have a friend like her.

Miranda and I have been friends since we were 14, we are now 25. She calms me down without trying. She has also always been there right by my side to let me vent to her. She never passes judgment on a single person. Miranda does whatever she needs to for me without hesitation.

Devlin became my friend when everything started to fall apart, and she's one bad ass chick. I cant describe her any other way. She's truly a blessing. She was like an angel that came to me when I couldn't see the light anymore. Devlin is the kind of person everyone wants to be, or at least be friends with.

My mom is amazing. She's one of the biggest influences in my life even though she doesn't know it. She loves me unconditionally and is completely open to anything I throw her way. She 100% supported my relationship, even though she wanted more for me.. I was happy and that's all she cared about. She welcomed Dawson with open arms from day one, till the end.

My dad is also amazing. He's one hell of a man to look up to. He definitely isn't like my mother. He is very old school and believes a man should take care of a woman and provide for her. He, just like everyone else in my family, wanted the very best for me. He knew Dawson wasn't that. I made my dad give him a chance, and with several attempts I finally got the opportunity. I don't want to say my dad "loved" him but I could tell he was warming up to the idea.

My sister, Kassi, is my best friend. Now I know I use that term a lot because I have a few best friends, but she really is my BEST friend. She has the most beautiful soul in the world. She is always there even when she says she wont be. I would kill for her and she would for me. So when I said my family wasn't as supportive/ accepting to me and Dawson it wasn't in a way like I didn't have them in my life through thick and thin because they were. It was that they wanted more for me and they didn't want to stand by and watch me destroy my life.

Now, I would like everyone to hear from my sister and understand her perspective on Dawson and what had happened in the 6 month span so far. I asked her to write something for this entry and this is what she had to say,

" I have to admit the change I saw in Jenna when Dawson entered her life was incredible. I remember when she came home talking about this new guy she liked but she felt torn BC she felt like she needed to try and make it work w her recent ex. She was like a little girl with a crush but wouldn't move forward yet. When she decided to start officially dating him....well, it made me happy to see her so happy. We (as in the family) weren't told anything about his past at first...I only knew he was 8 years older. I knew age was just a number but I felt Jenna wasn't really mature enough to be dating someone so much older....then little by little the baggage was revealed and I realized maybe Jenna was too mature and put together for him. As any normal, loving, protective sister would react...I was less than thrilled. Three kids to two women, still married, no license, on house arrest with the drug history and health issues....I was leery. BUT I trusted Jenna more than anyone in my life and I believed her when she told me it was JUST baggage and it didn't define him. However, even with the faith I had in my sister, I had my doubts. My best friend married a person with a similar past/present and I knew how miserable she was at times. I knew how often she would call me crying when things got bad and I didn't want that for Jenna. I also knew how deceitful addicts can be. They are the best manipulators and a big part of me felt Jenna was an east target. She was young, pretty and gullible. She saw the good in everyone and the worst of people can take advantage of that so fast. But - my sister was happy and she deserved just that. I buried my feelings and welcomed him into our lives. I included him in plans and family get together. Dawson was charming. Well put together, gracious, appreciative, respectful and attentive to my little sister. I must admit in the beginning I swallowed my own words....and for who knows me knows that's not something I do often. He was proving to me that rehabilitation works and life can move forward after terrible decisions have been made. The first six months they seemed perfect together. Granted in my eyes he still needed to make improvements like get his license back, move forward w divorce, make more time for his kids...but those weren't my fights to be had..more or less a mental checklist I made for him in order for me to feel he was long term worthy of my baby sister. I did feel 6mths together was too soon to move in together given the baggage, but who was I to judge when I moved in w my (now husband) after 3mths. I knew of a few disagreements they had but all in all Jenna kept the bigger issues from me...so when I received that call from her on my birthday... Something snapped inside of me that changed my views of him and them forever. I was there for her and did my job as a caring sister...but in a kind way I told her if she ever goes back I will no longer be there. This was too big of a screw up....he lied he stole and he used her. I said I would be there as long as she stays strong and far away from him.
A piece of me blamed myself for not standing by my worries or voicing them more to her; for talking our parents (more my dad than my mom) into trusting her and giving him a chance. I do know a piece of me lost respect for that friend for not telling Jenna more of the bad than the good. I had anger for her bosses, who were people in my life too, for supporting them. I was so angry and disappointed in Jenna for being so stupid and gullible.
The truth is...he fooled us all....we all let him."

I have the most amazing friends and family that a girl could ask for. With that being said, these people and their importance in my life need to be recognized before I tell any more of my story.

Things are going to be said and done that may reflect bad on them at that moment, but they didn't deserve any of it. I can not stress that enough. Without them, I'm not sure where I would be at this moment in time. I definitely wouldn't be writing this blog.

Everything I'm about to tell you is straight from my heart and the complete truth. It's painful and very much difficult for me.
I'm going to let you in and tell you everything.