20. Valentines Day

Valentines Day was creeping up, and I wanted to have the most romantic night.

Our previous Valentines Day, we didn't do anything for it because Dawson had just got off house arrest a few days before so we had nothing planned, except I did surprise him by decorating his house with streamers and rose petals, which Kyla helped me with.
 So this year was a big deal to me.

I had tried to make plans with Dawson for it in advance, but unfortunately like any other time he had to work. I was really disappointed we weren't going to be going anywhere but I didn't want to show it. I made it look like it was no big deal and that we would just hang out and watch a movie after he got off work.

Valentines Day came and he told me he would have a surprise for me so I got extremely excited. I didn't know what it was going to be considering he had to work all night. When he came home he brought us food and had something extra for me. He was reluctant on giving it to me because he was embarrassed. He said he attempted to make me fried dough shaped like a rose, but it just didn't turn out very edible or the way he hoped for. I could tell it was cut out like the opening of a rose. I was happy and I thought he put a lot of effort into trying to make something for me. It was a sweet gesture that I truly appreciated.

That was one thing I really loved about Dawson, even without having the money to buy me things he always tried to be creative.

We had a great night and just being there with him knowing he loved me was better than going out to dinner with the entire city.

        Although I was happy to have him and his thoughtfulness, I felt a little bit of sadness deep down. I guess I was just a little jealous of the girls all over social media posting pictures of their dozens of roses and chocolate along with the diamonds. Its not like I needed those things but after being together for two valentines days and not getting even so much as a card hurt a bit. I know Dawson was busy and didn't have a car to go to the store and do those kinds of things for me so I had to be okay with it.

I didn't want to be the kind of girl who needs gifts or flowers or anything. I just wanted to give as much as I could and be as selfless as possible. That's who I wanted to be and that's just who I was our entire time together. Dawson gave me love and acceptance to be myself. He appreciated who I was and looked at me like I was flawless. I wouldn't want to jeopardize any of that over not getting flowers every month or even just a special occasion. I had what I needed, or so I thought.

Everyone always beat into my head that I needed a man who could provide for me, that I could lean on for anything and everything. I did whatever I could to prove that I didn't need any of that. I didn't need a man to provide for me because I could provide for myself. All I needed was someone that loved me, and I had that. That was good enough.

Dawson and I weren't normal. We were going to prove everybody's doubts wrong. Dawson believed in us and he always said we might not have these things today, or tomorrow, but I wont stop working until I can give you the world. I trusted he would do just that.

So with that, Valentines Day and my inch of sadness weren't relevant. I would one day have more and I would know that missing out on the average experiences most girls get would all be worth it.

Dawson might not of financially been able to take care of me, but I could take care of him as much as I could. His birthday was only weeks away and I was planning on something that would make him ecstatic.