4. Starting It All

When it first began everything was perfect.

He bought me a dozen roses one week into dating. I was thrilled. It was so thoughtful just like Dawson was.

He was on house arrest still and his soon to be ex wife was still living in their house waiting on the apartment to be available. I couldn't go to his place and he couldn't come to mine. He had a curfew from his probation officer. He was allowed to leave his house for work and was given a window to get to work and to get home from work. Working in a bar together was nice because we got to socialize together when our shifts ended but sometimes we didn't want to be around other people because we wanted that one on one time to get to know things about each other.
Our options were very limited, so we would sit in my car for an hour and just talk in the parking lot of our work. Sometimes we played cards even. I enjoyed every minute we got to share together even though it was for a small amount of time.

Dawson's wife finally moved into her new apartment. we were able to have a normal relationship. I mean it was normal other than the not being able to go anywhere due to the house arrest.

The first night I went to his house I was really nervous. I wasn't sure what to expect. He had a dog and his name was Buddie. He was the sweetest dog ever, he was so playful and loving. That was something that I really liked because I am a huge dog lover.

When his ex moved out she left the dog and that was about it. Dawson got old furniture from family members. There was two couches and a TV, however she left him no dishes, food, cookware, or somewhere to sleep.

The next time I went over I bought him the necessities as a surprise. I showed up with bath towels, silverware, curtains, pillows, and many other things. He was so thankful. It didn't take long before I started staying the night at his place. I just never wanted to be apart from him. We never grew tired of one another.

One morning, there was a knock at the door. It was February 11th, 2013. His probation officer showed up to remove his ankle bracelet. We had no idea he was getting off house arrest. We were under the impression he had a few more weeks to go. We were so excited we immediately got in the car and just drove.

With Dawson being off house arrest, this meant he could drink finally. Not that he was a big drinker to begin with, but being able to do what he wanted was freeing for him.

This worried me because I was scared he would start using drugs again. He had an addiction to heroin and pills in his past. We had a talk about my worries. He promised me he would never go back to using again because his life was perfect now that he was finally happy again. I told him if for whatever reason he started to use again that I would leave him because I refused to be around that lifestyle. He was perfectly okay with me feeling that way and really supportive of my beliefs.

Life was good, it couldn't have been better. My friends loved Dawson and we were a perfect match. He made me a better person. I had a man in my life who was affectionate, understanding and extremely respectful. What more could I want? I trusted him completely.

My parents knew about him and were a little leery about it because he was a recovering addict who was still married with children. They thought that was too much baggage for me, but they were willing to meet him and give him the benefit of the doubt...well more so my mother than my father. They would eventually meet him, but I wanted more time with him before I did that. I still hadn't met Dawson's children. I wanted to do that in my own time and Dawson agreed with my every decision. Besides, Dawson and his ex still needed to work out a custody agreement for the children so even he didn't get to see them at first.

We wanted to go out and celebrate his first weekend off house arrest. He wanted new clothes so he could look nice. Dawson didn't have a car or even his drivers license because it was suspended. I couldn't take him because I had to work, so we agreed he could borrow my car and go to Walmart since it was across the highway from our work. I let him take my car and told him to just drive it home when he was done because his house was only five minutes from Walmart as well. He could pick me up from work afterwards.

When he picked me up that day I asked him if he found anything nice. He told me he didn't get anything unfortunately. We left it at that and continued to talk about our days. I went home that night instead of staying at his place.

The next day, I got into my car to drive to work and I noticed something sticking out of my seat on the side. When I saw what it was I was shocked and livid.

3. An Awkward Time

My hands were shaking and I was scared beyond belief.

What do I say? Does she start or do I? I let her talk and I listened. She started out by asking me if I had "done" anything with Dawson . I said no and that was the God's honest truth. Dawson  and I haven't even kissed. We were waiting to see if we were really going to end up being together. She then continued to tell me how they met and when they got married. I'm not sure why she was telling me this because it was irrelevant in my eyes. She was probably trying to make me jealous or push me away. She told me that she was not nice to him and didn't treat him too well either. She said she had her reasons for why the marriage got so bad, but she wanted to try and fix it. She said she wanted to go to counseling and if I could just let Dawson  do that with her before they completely give up. I told her I in no way wanted to stand in the way of a family working, but it wasn't my call it was Dawson 's. I told her I would completely support whatever Dawson  wanted to do.

She was not rude to me but I could also see in her eyes she really didn't care one way or another. She talked like she did but it came across really fake to me. Fake or not I would keep my word and not pursue anything unless it was over.

She left and I went to have a drink at the bar. I immediately text Dawson let him know everything was okay. I simply asked him if he had any love left for her to try one more time to make his family work and that I would be there as a friend to support him. He said absolutely not. He said their marriage has been over for a really long time and she knows that. He said it was over before I even came along.

That was the moment we became a couple.

I understand I looked like a complete home wrecker at this point but I knew the facts and that's all I cared about. People could pass judgement at me like I was the person who destroyed a marriage but I did not.

Dawson  said I saved him. He said I was the reason he could breathe again.

That made my heart melt. I couldn't wait to start a new journey with him. A journey that at the time, I believed was going to be the best days of my life. Nothing could ever go wrong because a love like this is once in a lifetime.

However, NOTHING ever goes as we plan.

2. Getting there..

Every girl dreams of that magical proposal with that dream ring. Well imagine this happening by a guy you're not even dating.

Who would do that? Why would someone be crazy enough to do that?

Now let me back up again and explain how this happened.

Remember how I said I was 22 and recently got out of a relationship with a controlling thoughtless guy? After my pathetic self begged for him not to leave me and he continued to walk out of my life, I started to move on..with Dawson. His name was Mick, and he so wasn't worth the begging.

I was happy talking to Dawson, being excited for a fresh start with a guy who truly cared about me and enjoyed listening to me talk. One day Mick pops back into my life because HE wants me back. I didn't know what I wanted. All I knew is Dawson made me happy but Mick was also a big part of my life for so long. So what does every girl do when she's confused? She dates both.

Okay, so it wasn't the smartest decision on my part, but I was stupid. I might of been stupid but I was honest. Dawson knew about Mick, and Mick knew about Dawson. I went on a few dates with Mick to see if maybe we could re-spark what we once had...but every time I was with him all I could think about was Dawson and wondering what he was doing. I knew what I wanted.. and that was to tell Mick goodbye and start an exclusive relationship with Dawson. I wasn't the only person who knew that's what I wanted either. Mick didn't want to give up. He would show up at my work and I would avoid him as much as I could. Sure, I felt bad about it, but he hurt me so badly that I was ready for something new. He had his chance every day the year and a half before this moment. So one morning as I'm getting ready for work Mick shows up at my house to talk. I basically just told him I didn't have time for any of it. He got down on one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket. The only thing I remember feeling was anger. I stopped him dead in his tracks and told him to stand up. The ring he had bought was my dream ring that I had picked out for myself for years. I was so upset and angry with him. We weren't even together anymore and he thought a proposal would win me back?  I couldn't believe it. That moment that every girl dreams of was stolen from me by some asshole who didn't deserve the love I gave him in the time we were together.

I didn't yell at him like I wanted to. I guess I was in too much disbelief to bother. It wasn't too shortly after that I cut him out of my life for good.

Dawson and I still didn't become exclusive for reasons of my own. I wasn't sure if he and his wife were completely over. I didn't want to be that girl that's in every cliché Lifetime movie and be someone' s mistress who thinks the marriage is over when it never is. Dawson swore to me that they were done. I wanted to believe him but she was still living with him. He told me it was because she was on a waiting list for the apartment she was supposed to be moving into. I wanted to wait till she left to take things further.. just for my own security.
Turns out she wasn't ready to be done with the marriage like he was.
She wanted to meet me...and so I agreed. I wanted both sides of the story so I was aware of what was really going on. I knew nothing about her, not even what she looked liked. So my boss at the time, who was completely supportive of me and Dawson, told her to come to the bar and that id be waiting and she would mediate the talk...just in case things got heated.

So I waited, and what to come next was something that I could have never anticipated.

1. The Beginning

I was 22 and what I thought was a fairytale romance ended up changing my life in a way that I could have never predicted..

I had just recently got out of a relationship with a guy who was extremely controlling and very thoughtless. I was selfish and immature and only worried about myself. My mindset was to have fun and be free; little did I know one man would change my entire life in matter of days.

I met Dawson  working at a bar. I was a waitress and he was a cook. As sappy and ridiculous as it sounds, I fell in love with him the moment I first set my eyes on him. I didn't know a thing about him..his age or even his last name. All I knew is that I couldn't focus on anything but him. I would go to work on my days off  just to see him even though I didn't have the courage to talk to him. He made eyes at me as well as I did him.

A couple weeks into the job I started to learn things about him, he was 30 years old with 3 children. 2 to his wife...yes I said wife..and another to an ex girlfriend. He was married but separated. I also found out he was on house arrest for possession.

None of these things mattered to me, I still was interested in him and wanted to get to know him. Dawson and I only talked at work about basic things. I didn't even know if he was interested in me, as I was him, until one day I was at the bar.

Now let me back up and explain that a bunch of us at work would make jokes about the craziest things just to get laughs. Dawson and the other cook would make jokes about licking my cheek, and saying it now it seems weird but back at this time it was funny and somewhat made sense. 

Fast forward again to the day I was at the bar.. I was mid conversation with a beer in my hand talking to the bartender, when out of nowhere Dawson pops up and licked my cheek. My jaw dropped and I was speechless for so many reasons. Later that night he had found me on Facebook and sent me a message.

That was the moment Dawson told me he liked me and we began to talk. Such an odd moment for it all to begin but it was a funny story that I still to this day smile when I think about it.

We talked every single day and night. From the moment we woke up till the moment we went to sleep. Nothing in the world was relevant. It was like we were the only two people that existed. For the first time I felt real, very true love. That was the moment that was going to change me forever, and I didn't even know it.