When March came things started to change.
I applied for a job at a golf course and got it. I was still going to be working at Finish Line but I needed more of an income. The golf course was only two minutes from Dawson's apartment and work so it would be really convenient for us to see each other more often.
I was really excited to start the job but I couldn't for a few weeks because we were waiting on the course to open since it was closed for the winter. In this time of waiting things between Kyla and I were getting weird.
We didn't talk as often and when I saw her she just seemed annoyed. It was completely awkward and I didn't know why. Kyla and I were like sisters so it was completely odd that we didn't have much to talk about. I would ask her how she was feeling since she was about 5 months pregnant and she was always short with her answers. I thought maybe she was just going through basic hormonal changes with the pregnancy so I tried not to think to much about it.
Dawson and I were doing well. We were having arguments often about little things but it was never anything huge. He was still having kidney issues and he never wanted to do much because he was often in pain.
My job began and I was working a lot and I loved it. April rolled around and Kyla and I barely talked. I knew I was busy and that she was busy so I told her we would try and make plans when it worked for us both. Dawson got in touch with an old friend he had once lived with names Jake. I was excited to meet him because this was the one friend I heard Dawson talk about that didn't use drugs.
Jake came over to Dawson's apartment one day and I got to meet him. He seemed like an okay guy but as always I was leery about him. He was spending a lot of time with him and I wasn't sure how I felt about it cause it seemed like he was always with Jake but a part of me felt like he was lying. One night we were supposed to hang out and Dawson just completely blew me off and said he was going to out with Jake and they were not going to make it back. He wasn't answering any of his calls or texts and I was getting extremely upset. I didn't hear back from him until 2 AM and by that point I was too upset with him to even talk to him.
The very next day I had to work until about 8PM. Dawson asked me to come over after work and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to see him. I ended up going even though I was so upset with him. When I got there Jake's car was in the parking lot and I was immediately annoyed. When I went in Dawson grabbed me and said he was so sorry for the night before and that he didn't plan on being out that late and Jake also apologized. Dawson had made me dinner, bought me dragon roses, and wrote me a note. These roses were the most beautiful roses I had ever received. I instantly put my hands over my face and started crying. I couldn't believe he did all of this for me as an apology. In the year and four months we were together he never went out of his way to make me feel so important. Jake left us to be alone and I just looked at Dawson and thanked him for showing me how much I mattered.
It felt really great to know that he owned up for making a mistake and I didn't have to beg him for one. He also didn't make me feel like I needed to be sorry for anything and usually when we fought somehow it always came back to being my fault but this time it wasn't.
Everything was good, but a part of me still felt strange. The amounts of time Dawson said he was with Jake just didn't add up. I felt like something was going on and Kyla acting strange was also not helping.
Kyla and I got to talk and she was not happy. She told me that she had saw something that really bothered her. She told me Dawson was taking a lot of bathroom breaks and when she went into the bathroom after him one day there was a rolled up post it note in the garbage and a can of snuss. She took the can out of the garbage and she said there was white residue in it. She was completely sure he was doing pills. She said he had been acting weird for weeks and having mood swings at work and that's why she had been so distant. She was irritated with him and didn't want to take it out on me.
I wanted to believe her but at the same time things were good and I didn't want to ruin it over suspicions. I told her I would look into it.
I asked Dawson numerous times if he was taking any pills, or possibly using again. He told me repeatedly that he wasn't so I believed him. At least I pretended to believe him. I trusted Kyla too much. I eventually just told Dawson what Kyla told me and he got angry. He wanted to flip out on her but I begged him not to. He made me believe if anyone was doing pills in that bathroom it was Kyla's fiancé . Dawson told me he had offered him pills many times before but he always said no. He said he didn't want to worry me and that's why he never mentioned it.
I had worked at finish line one day and I had text Dawson and asked him If I could swing by after work and he said he was going to nap and let me know when he got up. It was around 1pm and I was getting done at 2pm. When I got off work I called him and he didn't answer. I tried a couple more times in case he was sleeping I would wake him, but still no answer. I decided I would just drive over there and knock on the door. So I did. When I got there nobody answered the door. I was starting to get upset. I knew he wasn't home. I went home and tried to wait it out. I sent him many texts and tried to call. He finally text me a little after 4pm and said he just woke up. I told him I knew he was lying and that he wasn't home, so then he called me. He was out of breath and said no I was not napping, and that he went to look at an apartment for us and wanted it to be a surprise. I told him I didn't believe him because it does not take over 2 hours to look at an apartment. He kept trying to reassure me but I knew he was lying. He eventually just got irritated with me and hung up on me. I had a drug test I had bought months before. I text him and told him I wanted him to take this test because I knew he was using again and that if he didn't take it I would leave him. I was a train wreck.
He just kept telling me I was crazy and he had to go to work and that he didn't have time for this. I went to his work and we were talking in private. I knew the minute I looked at him he was on drugs. I grabbed his phone off of him and got to his messaged before he ripped it out of my hand. I saw some random number talking about meeting at sheetz. I was down on my knees crying begging him to take the test. He grabbed the test and said he would but after I needed to leave him alone and that we were done because he wasn't on drugs. He walked to the bathroom and I followed and then instantly he said he didn't have to go and he would take it that evening. I knew right then he was dirty. After being on house arrest and probation for so many years he could take a test on the spot at any time. I begged him to tell me the truth but he wouldn't.
Looking in his eyes I swear it was pure evil. I started to walk away with what little dignity I had left and I turned and looked at him and I said that he wouldn't get another chance. He said nothing other than to just leave, and I walked out.
I felt nothing but fear of the man I had just looked at.
Did I really have to go through this again?
