Of course I had to start the conversation, but once I did Dawson admitted to the truth. I mean at least he admitted to using drugs. As far as everything else he said and his reasoning's who knows.
Dawson said he bought some pills off of a guy that has once worked with him. It was the same story as before and that was because he was in pain. When it came down to talking about the rolled up post it note and residue in the garbage he didn't admit to it. He claimed he didn't do it and Kyla was just out to cause problems for us because her fiancé was the one doing drugs and she just wanted to put the blame on Dawson. He said that she owed me an apology as well as three other people at Rosco's for putting me through stress and lying to me.
A part of me believed him and I don't know why. Maybe its because I loved him so much and was so blind to what was going on around me. He was so good at making me just fall for his stories and forgive him. Dawson could do no wrong in my eyes. I constantly made excuses for him.
Dawson and I decided to stay together and not break up for good. I asked him if we should take a step back and break off the engagement and he told me no. He still wanted to marry me. I knew I couldn't tell Kyla I went back to him, she would be so angry with me. My sister would be disappointed in me as well and I definitely knew my dad would lose it on me. I had to hide it and not let anyone know we were staying together. I would eventually tell them but I wanted to make it look like we slowly worked things out and didn't just jump right into it.
This day was the day I started living a double life. Full of lies and sadness. I didn't realize at the time that by trying to please everyone else I was only going to destroy my own life.
Kyla asked me how things went and I told her it was fine and that we didn't speak. I hated myself for lying to her but I felt like I had to. She was pregnant and already stressed out, I didn't want to add to it.
A day or two later I picked Dawson up from work and we just hung out and talked all night. The next night I went to dinner with Miranda because I hadn't seen her in a couple months. While we were at dinner Kyla called. I wasn't going to answer because I was at dinner but I thought it could be important so I answered. She just asked me what I was up to and then asked me why I picked Dawson up from work the day before. I knew someone had to of told her when they saw Dawson get in my car. I told her I picked him up because he wanted to talk. She immediately got rude and told me I was being an idiot and that she wasn't going to be around to listen to me cry over him and then immediately jump back into his arms. She said she was having a baby and that she didn't want Dawson near her child. I wanted to cry but I just said okay and hung up.
That phone call and my decision to lie to her was the first fight Kyla and I ever had. We didn't talk for a week or so and I was really upset over it. I was sitting at Dawsons and I just started talking about the fact I hadn't spoken with Kyla and even though Dawson despised her and her fiancé at this point he encouraged me to try and talk to her. I sent her a text and I cant even remember what it said, but when she replied back it wasn't what I wanted to hear. She was still so mad at me and the only thing I even remember was responding saying that I wasn't going to continue the conversation because I didn't want to say something I would regret.
That was it. I instantly starting crying hysterically. Dawson just held me and told me that he was sure we would work it out. I just knew we could never be us again.
----Kyla and I didn't speak to each other for a year after this day. I was so angry with her for just giving up on me, but I was just as much as fault. I let her go. I lost the only person who was ever my true soulmate. I missed her give birth to her daughter, the most important day of her life.
Not a day went by in that year that I didn't think about her. I cried almost every time I did think about her. I would try and talk to Dawson about it but the majority of the time he would get annoyed. He just told me that she walked out of my life. He reminded me that I tried and she still left. So eventually I stopped talking about her to him. Kyla and I have matching tattoos so anytime i felt like i needed her i just looked at my arm and smiled. No matter what I always had that small connection with her, even if i would never talk to her again.----
Being with Dawson again I felt like things could only get better. How much worse could it get? He wanted to look for a new job because he said everyone there was lying about him and causing me pain. Things only became harder after I went back to him. We did have many good days, but the good days are hard to part from the bad.
