Two years, eight months, and some days have gone by at this point. I am still here. Dawson and I are still here living the same life as we did from day one. The only difference is, there is no more endless hope and happiness.
Countless promises, countless sleepless nights, countless tears, and a crushed spirit is what I have took from Dawson. It's hard to talk about the good, when there has been too much bad. I tried everything at this point. I tried holding his hand, pushing him to do more, standing back and letting him make his own choices, walking away, begging him to stay, just everything. I tried EVERYTHING.
He promised me a new start on my birthday, but that was just another week of acting better, and falling back into routine. I worked a lot that month, it was back to school season at Finish Line. Dawson worked mostly opposite shifts as me. He always worked later than he was supposed to, or at least that's what he told me.
My free days, he worked a double those days, as if that wasn't convenient for him. Kyla kept me very busy, and I planned my weeks with her and stopped planning around Dawson.
The end of August came, and Kyla and I took her daughter to her first county fair. We had an incredible night. Later, she had pointed out how she noticed a change in my behavior towards Dawson. I used to stare at my phone waiting on him to call or text so I could run to him, but now I barely looked at my phone. She was right, and I hadn't even noticed that had changed.
I had told her how I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him anymore because I could never have the life I wanted, and nothing was changing in all this time. She encouraged me to follow my heart, and to do what was best for my future. Of course this was something I had been thinking about for quite some time. There were a million things that had gone through my head in the past few months. I wondered where I would be at this moment if I chose Mick over Dawson. Would I be married? Would I have kids? Would I be more successful? Or what if I didn't choose to be with either one of them back when all of this started. Where would I be then? I asked myself a million and one questions. At the end of me racking my brain, I came to the same conclusion every single time. I wouldn't take back being with Dawson at any given time. I would have ran to him every time if I went back in time. The man I fell in love with is an incredibly selfless loving person.
September came quickly, and Dawson and I were not fighting at all. We hadn't fought in a few weeks. Things were actually looking up. I don't know if it was the fact that I had my own life for the first time in a very long time or that Dawson didn't feel like upsetting me any more. Whatever the reason was, I took it with a grain of salt. It was only a matter of time until something came up.
I wanted to spend as much time with Callie as possible because she was moving to Florida the second week of September. I was so sad she was moving because she had become one of my very best friends. She helped me get through so many terrible times due to Dawson and my relationship.
I knew I still had Kyla, and that I could call Callie every day so I knew everything would be okay.
Callie moved a couple weeks later, and within days of her leaving, the blow out with Dawson finally came. I knew it was only a matter of time until we had a fight, but this one was very different.
This fight was the fight that was going to end it all.
It started like any other fight usually did. I went to pick up money from him, and as always he was gone. Only this time his doors were unlocked. I went in and called him asking where he was and it was not any different than the last few times. He didn't answer me. I had ENOUGH. I honestly could not handle going through this again. He had my Xbox again, so I immediately packed it up. I went into his room and started tearing through his clothes looking for drugs. I didn't find any, but Dawson was a professional liar, so I'm sure he hid them well.
When he finally called me back, he immediately started yelling at me. He called me a bitch and said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was screaming back at him crying uncontrollably just asking what exactly I did to deserve any of this. He told me I was a controlling bitch among other things. I asked him to just meet me and talk to me but he said he was out walking around and I felt like he was just lying more to me. He hung up on me and sent me a picture of him outside in the dark giving me the middle finger. Not only was he calling me names, he decided a disrespectful picture would just put the icing on the cake. I was shaking and just chose to give up. When I got in my driveway he called me again. I kept it cool while I walked in my house because I didn't want my dad to know what was going on. I went down to my room and continued the conversation.
What happened next changed EVERYTHING.
