18. Our First Christmas

Dawson and I decided we were going to wait till after Christmas to announce our engagement.

I didn't want to upset anyone on Christmas in case they weren't happy about our engagement. I figured I would wait until the next day to tell my mom and hopefully have the courage to tell my dad.
We celebrated Christmas at my moms house.
Kassi, my sister, was very nice towards Dawson despite how angry she still was with him. Before the whole family arrived, my sister and I were in the bathroom and she could just tell I was hiding something. She knew exactly what was going on and she was not happy about it. She was more upset with the fact that I didn't tell her the minute I got engaged. I told her I knew how upset she was with Dawson and I just wanting to enjoy the moment before I had to tell everyone. We talked more about it and she eventually hugged me and told me she would support me. I was so relieved my sister knew. Not telling her right away wasn't easy for me.

The family came over and we ate dinner and exchanged gifts. Dawson and I were so happy. It was a perfect holiday and our first Christmas together.

A couple days later I decided I had to suck it up and tell my mom. I went to her house before work and we sat down to talk. I remember fidgeting a lot with my hands and my voice was shaky. I told her I needed to tell her something and that I really didn't want her to be upset. She said okay and I just blurted it out and immediately started crying saying how I didn't want her to be mad or disappointed because I was really happy and I just wanted her to be happy for me. She hugged me and said she had a feeling I was going to tell her that. She asked to see my ring and told me it was beautiful. My mom was definitely worried but trying to be as kind and supportive as she could be. She asked me if I told my dad yet and I said no and that I was scared to. She basically told me that I needed to tell him sooner than later, and she was right.

So I planned to tell him that evening after work.

When I went home that night I sat down on the couch and told my dad that Dawson had proposed to me. The first thing out of my dads mouth was.."and what did you say?" He looked really angry. I told him I said yes but its not like we were going to get married right away. My dad was not happy, he told me that its completely ridiculous and he would never ever support it. I cried a little but I knew what he was going to tell me before I said anything so I was already prepared. I was waiting for my dad to start screaming at me, I knew it was coming. But he didn't. He just looked at me with extreme disappointment and walked away.

I went to my room and I just cried. I knew it was going to be hard to tell my dad, but I didn't realize how much his disapproval was going to break my heart.

I wanted my dad to love Dawson just as much as I did, but it wasn't going to happen.
Atleast my friends, mom, and sister would support me. I also thought about how once my dad would see how well things were going he would come around.

Things were great, other than my dads disapproval, and I wanted to set a date. Dawson wanted a 3 year engagement and I only wanted 2. However, after Dawson explained to me that we financially didn't have the money to plan a wedding and pay for it within 2 years I accepted 3. We decided on May 21st, 2016.

I was thrilled! I started to pick out colors and look at venues just because I wanted to know exactly how much we would need to save. We also started a wedding jar and each of us put $20 in a week.

I was happy for awhile, but nobody was taking our engagement seriously. Not one person in my family called to congratulate us and that was very annoying. A month went by and still nobody had said anything to us. My sister got engaged in January, and immediately everyone was blowing up her phone congratulating her and asking a million questions. It really hurt my feelings that she had every bit of attention and I had none. It wasn't her fault, but I still felt upset with her.

Kassi called me to talk to me because she knew my feelings were hurt. She tried to explain to me why more people were paying attention to her and not thinking anything about my engagement. She was going to get married that Septemeber and our plans were for more in the future, and she was also dating her fiancé for many years. I understood but it didn't make me feel any better about it.

I always felt like I was in the shadow of my sister. She was popular and I wasn't, she was the smart one and I was the dumb one. She made prom court in high school and had guys always chasing after her, and I couldn't even get a date. I just wanted to be in the spotlight for once, and it wasn't going to happen.
I couldn't blame her for any of it. She deserved the perfect engagement.

Valentines Day was only a month away, and I wanted to have the most romantic night with Dawson, so I got myself into an exciting state. I needed to ignore the engagements and focus on something else.

 Little did I know Valentines Day wasn't going to happen the way I wanted it to.

17. A Moment In Time

You would think that after so many terrible things happened, there would have to be an end to it. No, there wasn't an end to it.

Now don't get me wrong, we had some great times too. I'd like to tell you that he took me on many dates and bought me flowers all the time, and just surprised me with silly things like every girl wants in a relationship. That wasn't us. I paid 98% of the time if we went out somewhere. He didn't take me anywhere because he had no car. I'm not materialistic so things like that weren't too important to me at first. Dawson didn't buy me flowers or things like that because he never had extra money. He would cook for me and write me poems and that was enough for me. As long as I knew I was loved I was okay. Every time I would see him he would have the biggest smile on his face and hug me like it was the last time he'd ever see me. We had a lot of romance and love. We just didn't get the normal relationship like most people have.

By the time this thing happened with the incident at his work it was October of 2013, and we were together for just about 10 months. Dawson was different and he was having lots of kidney issues so I knew he was in pain and I never wanted him to fill his narcotic prescriptions so he wouldn't. Dawson was almost 4 months clean when he relapsed again. Now it wasn't a relapse in the sense that it was the time before but he did slip up and buy a few oxys off the street. He came clean to me about it on his own. He said his kidney pain was unbearable and he couldn't fill his prescription because I would get upset. He said he didn't buy them to get high and it was strictly for pain. Either way it was a relapse to him and to me. He was dependent on those pain pills and once it started it wasn't going to stop. I was glad he came to me before it got out of control again. I was also really upset because he had to start all over again.

Not too long after that Kyla asked me to come over her house to hang out. When I got there she said that she thought she was pregnant because she was late. We went to the store to get a test.
She was pregnant! I was so nervous for her but excited at the same time. We always promised each other that whenever one of us got pregnant the other would try. Only I knew I couldn't follow through with that promise. Dawson and I were not ready for a baby.

All of November Dawson and I worked on our relationship and our communication. We were getting along so well and we were happier than ever. Kyla was amazing during all of my issues with Dawson. She was always right by my side supporting me. Whatever I wanted that's what she wanted, and whatever I needed, she was there to help. When I needed to cry, she was there. When I just wanted to talk about how happy I was, she was there cheering me on. She truly was my biggest fan, and I was hers.

Both her and I wanted our boyfriends to eventually propose. She was having a baby with hers, but even without the baby he was the one for her. She wanting to marry him regardless. I wanted to marry Dawson, I knew that from day one. When you meet the one, you just know without any doubts.

December came before we knew it and everything was still going well. Kyla was just a month pregnant and Dawson and I were still going strong. I had a feeling Dawson was going to propose on our one year (December 28th). I was telling everyone that I felt like it was coming. Well everyone except for my family. I knew Dawson wasn't going to get my fathers permission and that definitely killed what I always hoped for, but life wasn't going as I planned and I didn't expect anything to pan out like I dreamt of. One thing I knew was that no matter how or when he proposed it was going to be special to me. I also knew that I wasn't going to get that dream ring due to our financial situation but that didn't matter to me either. I just wanted to marry him.

December 23rd came and we were going to go Christmas shopping at the mall. Dawson was acting really strange the entire car ride to the mall. I was worried something had happened and honestly it wouldn't of surprised me. Things were going so well and every time things were good, something ruined it.

We got to the mall and I parked. Dawson just got out of the car before I turned it off. I wasn't ready to get out yet so I took my time. When I got out I turned and shut my door, and when I turned to him he was down on one knee. I just started smiling because I thought he was screwing with me. He pulled out a box and looked at me and said
"This isn't how I wanted to do this, but I cant wait another day. Jenna, I love you and I want to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?"
I was just smiling from ear to ear and I remember saying
"Are you serious, no this isn't real, wait are you for real?"
He said yes and I just asked him like 2 or 3 more times if he was serious. I didn't want to get too excited cause he had pranked me a few times in the past to make me thing he was going to propose.
He was still down on one knee and he said
"Baby its really cold can you please answer me?"
I just yelled yes, and there were two people across the parking lot watching. He put the ring on my finger and I didn't even look at it. I just grabbed him and kissed him about 100 times. This was the best moment of my life. It wasn't romantic in any way but he was the love of my life and I was engaged to him. When we got inside he asked me if I was going to look at my ring so I did and he apologized to me that it wasn't as big as I wanted but he told me we could trade up over time. I just told him I loved it and I didn't care because I truly didn't. The first thing I did was send Kyla a picture. She was so happy for me. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

We went into Finish Line and I threw my hand up in the air and showed Tim, he was so happy for us. Having that support was everything.

All of the hell I went through paid off and I could finally live out my dream with the man of my dreams. If I could go back to that day and just be there with him in that happiness and never let that go, I would.

That happiness and that security wasn't going to last once I had to tell me family. Telling them we were engaged, well that terrified me.

16. Confrontation

Have you ever had this feeling in your stomach that just took over your body?

All you want to do is throw up, because the fear of hearing what you think you know is almost too overwhelming that the only option you have is to either face it and potentially be even more sick than you already are, or ignore it and have this constant feeling in your gut.

That's how I felt the entire night before I faced this teenage girl at Rosco's. Dawson had no idea that I was going to ask her. I needed to know the truth because I had this feeling Dawson wasn't being honest. And if he did do what I was told, then I would consider that cheating. There should never be any physical contact with another girl, ever. It's inexcusable. I told Kyla I was going to ask her just so I could put these accusations to rest.

The next evening I drove Dawson to work. We both went in and he headed up to the bathroom. I asked the girl to come over to my bench I was sitting at and I looked her dead in the eyes and told her that I had a Facebook message I wanted her to read and I wanted to know her response to it...so she read it.
When she finished reading she looked at me, I could see fear in her eyes. She said I am so sorry but its true. She then started to ramble on about how nice of a person I am and that I didn't deserve it but she didn't know how to tell me. I looked at her and told her that she's 16 and it wasn't her fault. He was her boss and in a situation like that it can be extremely uncomfortable. I asked her if she would confront Dawson with me and she said yes. We walked up towards the bathroom and she was scared and shaking. As he walked out of the bathroom, he just stopped dead in his tracks and I said so you did do it.
He didn't say a word he just bolted outside. I followed him and I was on the verge of tears and I said how could you do this? He started yelling at me and said now he couldn't go back in there because I made his job uncomfortable. I cried and yelled that he cheated on me. He just walked away quickly and headed towards his house.

His roommate came outside and he knew exactly what was going on. I was crying and I asked him what to do. He told me that if he had the chance to be in love and have the happiness Dawson and I had he wouldn't throw it away over something that might not be as big of a deal as what I think. He also told me that he shouldn't have slapped her butt, but it didn't mean that he thought anything of it.

I went up to Dawsons apartment and he was angry and upset. He asked why I had to do that at his work. I told him exactly why...It was the only chance I was going to have to ask her what happened. I knew that when he was talking to me that he was hiding something. Dawson then looked at me and broke down. He started crying and he told me that he only lied to me to protect me. He said it wasn't sexual and he didn't mean it in that sense. He said that it happens a lot down there and he isn't the only one who does it. That it only happened that one time and after he did it he realized he shouldn't have.

I believed him. He seemed like he really meant it and that he was sorry. I told him that I had just started trusting him again and now that trust is broken. I didn't want him working with her either. He said he would try his best to make sure they weren't scheduled together but it was more than likely going to be impossible to do that every day.

I knew it wasn't her fault, but for some reason I got angry with her and wanted her to be fired. Seeing her face only reminded me of it.

The trust that I was building back for Dawson was completely broken yet again. The drugs were painful for me, but cheating was a different kind of pain. I know it wasn't cheating in a lot of peoples eyes, but from my view I considered it just that.
I didn't know it then but I was never going to be able to trust Dawson again no matter how much I wanted to.

That night destroyed every ounce of faith I had in him, and I wasn't going to fully get that back.

15. Take Two

Dawson moving in with Kalina was a good step for us to take.

I could trust her and I knew he would stay out of trouble being somewhere safe. He went to work every day, and came home every night. Everything was on track. I still didn't tell my dad I was seeing Dawson again, I was too scared to. Every time I would go to his house I would just tell my dad I was going to Kalina's. He didn't know Dawson lived with her though. I felt bad hiding the truth from him but at the time I felt like I had no other option.

I quit my job shortly after Dawson moved in with Kalina. I couldn't stand being there anymore. It was extremely stressful and my boss was constantly upsetting me. I ended up getting hired at Finish Line as well. I was shocked when Tim called to hire me because I was almost positive I bombed that interview.

My best friend Kyla and her boyfriend needed a job, so Dawson hooked them both up with one at Rosco's. I was so excited because my best friend and boyfriend could spend more time together and a part of me knew that Kyla would keep an eye on him for me.

At this time Kalina was pregnant and she was not working, so she had just scraped by the month and a half  Dawson was there. Eventually it got to the point where she had to move out because she needed to do what was best for her and try and get back on track financially for the baby. So once again we were struggling to figure out where Dawson was going to go. A kid he worked with lived just a few blocks away from where Dawson and Kalina were. He had a spare room and was struggling to pay his rent so he invited Dawson to take the room. This kid had no drug issues although he was a recovering alcoholic. That would be perfect for Dawson because there would be a common ground and someone who could help him through any dark times.

We moved him into there towards the end of August. Dawson was happy and healthy and he really enjoyed working for Rosco.
Nothing negative really happened for awhile, everything was going as planned and after a certain amount of time I told my dad I was seeing Dawson again.

That didn't go as well as I hoped. My dad was livid. He lectured me and yelled at me and told me he would never be welcomed in our house. I didn't ever argue to much with my dad, I usually would just respond with okay because I didn't want to fight. I accepted the fact my dad hated Dawson but I also hoped with the progress Dawson would make that my dad would come around.
My mom was very accepting of Dawson as always, and my sister was not excited about me being with him. When he hurt me, it killed my family to see me in such a horrible place. My sister just wanted to protect me so she wasn't as forgiving to Dawson as I was.

The people I worked with at Finish Line were all amazing and very caring. Tim always asked about Dawson and I. He cared a lot about all of his staff and always wanted to make sure we were happy. I worked with a girl named Callie sometimes who I'm pretty sure hated me. My managers were all super cool and fun to be around.

Summer was coming to an end and Dawson was now 3 months clean. I was so proud of him.

Mid October Kyla asked me to go to dinner with her. She told me that she needed to talk to me about Dawson. I just knew she was about to tell me something I didn't want to hear and I instantly got sick to my stomach. Now Kyla was my best friend since7 years old so I knew whatever she was about to tell me had to of been something she was sure of.

She told me she had heard that Dawson was slapping a girls ass that worked there...a 16 year old girl in fact. She told me this girl had personally talked to her because she knew he was dating me and thought it was wrong and it made her uncomfortable. Not only did Kyla tell me this but I had also received a Facebook message from one of Dawson's co-manager's girlfriend. I didn't trust the girl who sent me the message because she was a huge jealous bitch. But when Kyla told me, I had to believe it. We were sitting at dinner and I just looked at Kyla and she new from looking at me that I wasn't okay, not even in the slightest. My hands were shaking and I text Dawson and said..
"We need to talk"

Kyla encouraged me to get his side of the story before I lost my mind on him. After we left dinner I immediately drove to Dawson's.
I showed him the Facebook message but didn't tell him Kyla told me. Dawson looked me in the eye and swore to me that it wasn't true.
I was so relieved and I really did want to believe him but I still had my doubts. I needed to ask the girl herself if he really did slap her butt.

I needed to know, so I planned on confronting her that next day when Dawson went into work.

14. Facing Anger

I had to face Jay. I had to work with him. I had no choice.

Dawson no longer worked with me and that also crushed me. He was the only thing I enjoyed about work every day. He made work bearable.
Going to work was really difficult for me. I had only worked a day or two since everything had happened. Each day I had to go to work was a struggle. Everything there reminded me of Dawson. The first time we kissed. The first time we held hands. Even just falling in love, everything started at work. Now I had to work with the man who ruined my relationship. I blamed Jay for everything and I would never forgive him. I truly hated him, and I still do to this day.

I went into work and Jay was in the kitchen. I did my best to stay out of the kitchen and not to talk to him. When I would go in to pick up my food from the window, I would not look at him or acknowledge him. Every ounce of my body was just wanting to go crazy. I wanted to scream at him and throw things at him. I wanted him to quit so badly so I never had to see his face again.
I knew it was just a matter of time before I caught him sneaky around with drugs. So I waited till I had the opportunity to catch him. Every time he went outside for a smoke break I would time him or keep an eye out to catch him doing something.

My boss actually personally handed me the money Jay owed me days before pay-day. He told me that I shouldn't ever give a guy like that money and that he didn't want me to lose the little bit of money I had left and that he would take the hit.
So when pay-day came around my boss took Dawson's check and deducted all the money he owed everyone out of it. Turns out Dawson had borrowed money off of several people at work without my knowledge. So Dawson was left with about $180. I didn't think it was fair that they took the money Jay owed me out of Dawson's check and Dawson was furious over it. Dawson's brother was also a cook at our work so our boss gave the cash to him to deliver to Dawson. Dawson never saw any of that money because his brother never gave him it. He acted like he gave it to their mother to hold onto for him but when Dawson asked for his pay, they didn't have it and had no idea what he was talking about. I witnessed all of it and I couldn't even believe his brother would screw him out of the money that he worked over 45 hours a week for.

Jay got off scott free and that was complete bullshit. He ruined my happiness and I was going to make sure he couldn't be happy either. It didn't take long before Jay slipped up, maybe one to two days I believe. He told the bartender he was going outside and 15 minutes went by and he still didn't come back in. I told my boss how his truck wasn't there and that he left. I knew exactly where he was going. To buy heroin down the road from our work. When he came back he was questioned about why he left and he came up with a lie, but it didn't matter. He got fired.
I felt such a relief, he was gone and I could learn to be okay again. Dawson and I could try and fix things and I wouldn't have to worry about Jay getting in the way.

Dawson and I communicated as much as possible. He started his treatment which was outpatient and he went 3 times a week. He was doing great with it and he really felt like it was helping him realize why he ever started using to begin with. We needed to find him somewhere to live now that he couldn't pay another months rent. I called a good friend of mine, Kalina, who lived alone but had a spare room. She said he could move in as long as he did his part, kept drugs out of the house, and paid half the rent. It was perfect because it was right down the street from Rosco's business. Dawson had started that job a few days after Rosco brought him home. Once we found him a place, we had to talk to the landlords.

That was going to be a lot more difficult than I anticipated it to be.
They wouldn't return my emails, and when they did they were very short with me and rude. There was a loophole in the lease that if they told us to leave we could. In one of the emails our one landlord stated we could move out, but then the very next email contradicted the last one stating how we signed a lease and we cant just up and leave. I told the landlord we would be happy to go to court because I had email proof that they allowed us to void our lease. They had a tenant ready to move in but once it fell through they took back what they said. That wasn't our fault, they originally said we could leave and we would get back our deposit however it would be pro-rated. I had all the proof I needed to win the case if they did decide to take it to court. They ended up letting us void the lease after-all.

Moving the rest of the things out of the apartment was heart breaking. Just a month ago we were moving in and I was happy, and now its just an empty apartment filled with sad memories.

We were right back to square one, and I had to figure out how I was going to trust Dawson again.

13. Support

Walking up our stairs I was nervous yet anxious.

Dawson was sitting on the floor in the living room. He was covered in sweat and a little shaky. I asked him how he was feeling and he was honest with me. He barely slept, and he was in and out of the bathroom. It had been two days since he last used.

I didn't like seeing him this way but I knew this was just the beginning and it was going to get worse. Dawson seemed strong though, almost as if he wasn't scared as to what was coming next. He wanted to get clean and he wanted treatment.

I sat by his side and we just talked. I tried to distract his mind as much as I could. Staying with him all day just wasn't an option for me, I had to go to work but I told him I would stop by on my way home.

That evening after work I went over and he looked even worse.
He would be shivering and bundle up with a blanket and then all of a sudden be covered in sweat. He constantly had to run to the bathroom to throw up. It was a constant cycle of being cold, sweating, and using the bathroom. I cringed at this. It was horrifying to watch. I had never seen a person be so sick in my life. It broke my heart to witness it, but I had to stay strong for him.

 I would hold his hand or rub his back, whatever he needed me to do. I was going to be as supportive as I could be at that time.I made sure I went over each day, several times a day, even if it were just for a few minutes.

Withdraw is a dreadful thing to witness, let alone go through. I couldn't imagine how it felt to be in Dawson's shoes. Just seeing it gave me nightmares. There were moments that I thought he was going to die. I didn't even see every step of it because I wasn't with him at each moment, but the moments I saw can never be forgotten. The look on his face, the amount of tears he cried, that can never be forgotten.
 Dawson was physically ill for 6 long days. He was still going to go through withdraw symptoms for weeks to come but the worst was over with. I wish I could have been there every minute with him, and I still regret that I wasn't.

I understand he put himself in the position to go through it. I get that, but still to this day people ask me why I even feel bad about it. I sympathize for others, I have a huge heart. Good people do bad things. Sometimes those "bad things" take over their whole lives. That doesn't mean that Dawson didn't deserve just one person to love him and support him. He was my entire world, and my love was unconditional.
That week was exhausting. There are not enough words to describe the different emotions I went through. I knew Dawson still had a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he was trying. I was trying to.

I had a lot of challenges I was about to face. I had to figure out what I was going to tell my landlords. We didn't have rent and I needed out of the lease. I still had to face Jay at work. I needed to find a way to tell me dad I was seeing Dawson again.

Most importantly, I needed to forgive Dawson.....

    and that was easier said than done.

12. The Meet Up

Looking my dad in the face I stood there and lied.

I told him Miranda was picking me up and we were going out for some drinks. That wasn't a lie, because we really did go to the bar. I failed to tell him the reason we were really going out, and that was so I could kill some time before I had to meet up with Dawson at our apartment. I lied by omission and that was not okay. He is the greatest dad and he didn't deserve that. I felt like I had no choice though.

Miranda came and got me and we went to a bar that was just up the street from my apartment. We waited until Rosco text me to let me know they were almost there. I was so nervous to see him. Honestly I had no idea what was going to happen. I didn't even know if we would talk.

I wanted to just hand him the key and walk away. I wanted to prove to myself and to him that I meant what I said when we started dating.

When they arrived they text us to let us know. Miranda drove me down to the apartment, but she parked around the corner. She told me to take my time and that she would be waiting.
I got out of the car and slowly walked towards the apartment, and that's when Dawson stepped out of Rosco's car. I was shaking and truthfully I just wanted to throw up. We looked at each other and walked inside the building. We went into the apartment and I just sat the key down on the table. I looked up at him and in the light he looked awful. He started crying and he just grabbed me and hugged me. We both just stood there and cried. It was heartbreaking. This whole situation was unreal to me.
He told me he was going to get clean and once he detoxed he was going to go to treatment. I asked him how he was going to get clean and he just said on his own...I remember reading that withdraw can be extremely dangerous to go through without medication, so I was worried. He asked me if I could stay with him and I told him no. There was no way I could after what happened. My dad would never forgive me if I just went right back. I told Dawson I would come by the next day and be there for him as much as possible through this.

I wanted him to get clean. I wanted him to be the man that I met again. The guy he became the past few months is not the Dawson I fell in love with and I knew he was still in there.

 I told him we couldn't be together anymore. He just begged me not to leave him and I remember staring into his eyes and I felt this attachment, that I couldn't just give up on him. So I held his hand and looked him in the eyes with tears rolling down my face and I said that I wouldn't give up on him and that I loved him more than anything. I told him we were going to beat this together but he had to want it. Dawson just cried and was hysterical, he didn't want this life. He didn't want to be addicted to drugs, he wanted us to be together again. I wanted the same things more than anything.

There were three things I needed from him in order for us to get back together...
1. For him to get treatment and stay clean.
2. He needed to file for divorce.
3. Get his license back

He promised me he would do all three things. So I then promised him to stand by him thick or thin.
I had no idea what withdraw was like, and truth be told I was completely horrified of what was going to happen next. I was willing to go through hell for him because I honestly felt like he wanted to change his life for good. This man is the love of my life and I would be damned to let him go that easily.

I had to go home, it was getting late and Miranda was waiting for me. Dawson was shaking and crying and I didn't want to leave him. I kissed him on the cheek and told him I would be back sometime the next day.

Walking out of the apartment that night felt different. My heart was pounding and I just felt like this might be it for us. I didn't think he would make it to the next day. I was almost sure he would leave without a trace. Seeing Dawson that scared and alone hurt me more than I felt 3 days prior. His pain was almost a part of me, and to add that on top of my own feelings was unbearable. He needs me and I'm just walking away. I felt like I was doing something unforgiveable.

I was walking up the street and I just collapsed onto my knees and stared up into the sky and asked God why.
After several minutes I found the strength to get up and walk the rest of the way to the car. Miranda took me home and she barely said a word. She knew silence was what I needed.

That night was sleepless for me. I just worried for Dawson. He did text me throughout the night to let me know he was okay. He was very scared and sick, but I knew he would be there the next day.

The next morning I decided I needed to go see him but I was waiting till around lunch time. I needed to get my head ready for what was going to come next.
I knew he would be dope sick and I didn't have any idea of what I was about to see.

Noon came around and I headed over to our place. When I got there I stood in front of our door for a few minutes before going in. I needed to put my emotions aside to be the support system Dawson needed.

I took a deep breath and walked in..