I spent the summer of 2015 feeling alone, wishing for more.
I could break it down month by month, but nothing happened worth talking about. There was only one day over the summer that I can remember feeling a little bit of happiness.
Dawson surprised me with a tanning package and then we went shopping and he bought me a dress and a pair of shorts. We then went to look for a bicycle so we could go on rides over the summer. I ended up not getting one, but the excitement of that day together was more than memorable. He tried to do everything for me that night. That in itself was everything and more. It wasn't that he bought me things, it was the fact he cared enough to put me before himself and his wants. That didn't happen often. I always felt guilty if he bought me something so I would buy him something in return. I don't know why I felt I needed to, but I did every single time.
I had a lot of great days with Dawson over the span of our relationship, but the bad days outweighed the good days. I knew it had to end one way or another.
I started to spend a lot of time with Kyla and Callie. I kept busy with them and planning my sisters baby shower. Dawson and I were not going to survive much longer. We barely spent any time together. Our work schedules didn't match up, and I didn't want to put a lot of effort into being with him if he wasn't going to make any effort.
I kept myself distracted, when I should have been handling the real issue at hand. If I didn't have Kyla and Callie to depend on each day, I wouldn't have made it through. Those girls gave me so much strength and they don't even know it.
Seeing Kyla with her daughter, and witnessing a change in her soul and strength helped me in ways I cant even begin to explain. I spent every day off of work with her and her daughter. Dawson was not happy about it one bit. One evening he got off of work and decided he wanted to take a nap. Normally I would sit at home and wait on him to want to see me. Usually the waiting didn't end because he would sleep all night. So I decided to go to Kyla's house. I left her house around 11pm that night and Dawson had called. He asked what I was doing and I told him driving home from Kyla's. He got angry with me for going to see her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see him all the time. He told me he didn't want to "do this anymore" and he hung up on me.
I should have cared, but I didn't. If he wanted to break up with me for seeing my best friend who I once lost, than I did not care. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. When I got home he sent me a long text message explaining how it hurts him that I make more of an effort to spend time with Kyla than I did with him. He also stated he couldn't be with me if I was going to be friends with her because she probably just talks badly about him, and tries to keep me from being with him.
Dawson couldn't have been more wrong and I told him that. I explained to him how if he makes me choose between him and Kyla, it would be Kyla every time. I also told him how Kyla did nothing but support me and my every decision and that she did not speak one negative word towards him at any point. She put the past behind her and he should have too. Dawson apologized to me and said he would accept that I was friends with her but he would never be friends with her or her husband again.
I surrounded myself with the people I could depend on. Callie was amazing, being as we had only been friends for a short time. She was always there for me to hold me up on my weak days. She kept me grounded at work, and when I had an off day and just couldn't handle whatever came my way, she was there to back me up. Her and Corey both always had my back at work, and outside of work.
August was creeping up and my birthday was coming. I didn't expect anything from anyone this year. My sister was insanely pregnant, my dad and brother were going to the beach, and Dawson never planned anything for me for any holiday let alone my birthday. I planned on turning 25 sitting on Dawson's couch watching a movie. Dawson however promised me something special this year. I didn't want to get my hopes up to much, because any ordinary time I was just let down.
I tried to push my negative feelings aside and get excited for my birthday. If Dawson had something planned, then maybe things were actually changing.
A few days before my birthday, Dawson ended up in the hospital again. He had an infection that wasn't going away from a previous surgery on his kidney.
I spent my birthday visiting Dawson in the hospital and sitting at home eating dinner alone.
One thing Dawson was able to keep his surprise on was the Vera Bradley purse and wallet gift he bought me. Months before, Dawson and I were walking through town and stopped in this boutique that sells Vera Bradley. I had fallen in love with that set and wanted it badly. I was planning on buying it for myself eventually, but he beat me to it. I couldn't believe he remembered which pattern and style I wanted. It was amazing. He never bought me a birthday gift before, so this meant everything and more to me. He really tried.
Along with the gift came a card that wrote,
"I love you and let this be the first of many good birthdays of yours we have together, Love -----"
I asked him why he put first of many birthdays because this was my third with him. He responded by telling me the first of many he will do it right, and be better.
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